Coaching Leaders [5 of 5]
Two core skills of great coaches are: (1) They ask great questions, and (2) They create conversational freedom
1. Great Coaches Ask Great Questions
Asking thoughtful, poignant questions can help people become aware of how their assumptions, beliefs, and attitudes might be helping or hindering them in getting the result they want. Great questions move people to think about, and share, something they may never have put into words, or even thought all that deeply about. Doing this can create openings for moments to offer true insight into the tensions and realities that a person is feeling. The best questions draw out vulnerable, authentic, and real conversation. I always try to think of questions to ask before I go into a coaching session. Other questions arise in the moment of course, but thinking of questions to ask a coachee is what I’ve discovered to be the best way I can prepare for a coaching session. These questions can build off our last session or revolve around new themes and issues. Questions must never be a devious way to be manipulative someone, nor should they be used rigidly to be overbearing or overly directive with someone. Questions ought to be a guide in a conversation to draw out what God is doing in someone’s life, or to help zero in on what the coachee is striving to grow in. The best kind of questions and the best kind of coaching should bring clarity to the coachee, and be delivered genuinely and thoughtfully from the coach.
2. Great Coaches Create Conversational Freedom
Create relationship of conversational freedom, where people can speak their minds, say what they are thinking, “get things off their chest”, “unload whatever they need to unload. To become a more effective coach, practice the art of suspending judgment—people pretty much know when you judging them and when you’re not. When coaches create this kind of conversational space, authenticity and vulnerability pour forth. And that’s when you can begin to get to the core issues in a person’s life. But when someone feels criticized or “judged” for sharing in raw form, or for being vulnerable, or just for pouring out their most real and true emotion [whether it be anger, cynicism, or whatever], they’ll soon become like a turtle who always pulls his head back into the hard exterior shell. That’s the opposite of what great coaches learn to do. Seek to master how to navigate the dynamic of accepting where someone’s at, while also knowing how to challenge someone to grow. It takes practice, tact, wisdom, courage, and humility. More than anything, it takes time and experience in mentoring. The point is…strive to be the kind of coach where creating this type of freedom in conversations matter to you.
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Coaching Leaders [4 of 5]
Effective leaders see what others cannot see, and as a result, learn to guide others in ways others don’t know how.
When coaches create a relationship where someone feels listened to, that person translates our listening as loving. And although listening in and of itself is a great quality, what makes great coaches involves learning to listen to the nuances in what someone is saying. This is the stuff that most people miss. And it’s also the stuff that great coaches press into, draw out, and learn how to come alongside of and foster deeper transformation through what they see.
How does one do this? Start by listening to beyond what they are saying. Pay attention to and then identify any assumptions that are shaping your protégé’s actions, attitudes or beliefs. Assumptions and beliefs are enveloped in almost everything one says. Recognizing the hidden assumptions and beliefs can reveal clues to what someone’s core issues are, or perhaps they point the coach to understanding why someone does what they do or act like they act or say what they say.
Another way to listen to the nuances in conversation is by noticing what people make observations about, what opinions do they weigh in on, and to what thing do they jump to conclusions. Again, you can tell a lot by noticing these things. And it certainly can inform where a person needs to be steered as a coachee.
In addition, listen for any gaps, contradictions, and inconsistencies in people’s way of thinking or living. Point those out, not in a judgmental and overly criticizing way, but in a tactful, gentle, and graceful way. Sure, sometimes you need to be candid about certain things. But in general, the best coaches actually help someone else come to a conclusion in the way they guide the conversation.
And one final way to listen for nuances is by identifying what someone gets defensive about, or where he or she is trying to protect themselves, or what they make excuses about, or how they distort reality or project a false image. These are all clues to pay attention to, clues that when coaches can learn to recognize, will become all the material they need to know in order to guide a conversation and a person to where they need to go.
Read MoreCreating Space For Collaboration Leads to …?
The most effective, and healthy, leaders cultivate spaces and places for necessary collaboration. If employees aren’t given permission to speak, share their ideas, make suggestions, express their opinions without consistently getting shot down or minimized, those employees’ trajectory will headed toward disengagement, or at least becoming a miserable employee. All of us want our voice to matter. Just about everyone wants to share their ideas and opinions. And if we don’t cultivate environments for this kind of collaboration, we’ll simply be creating robots.
And you know what?
Robots don’t care.
Great leaders invite honest opinion sharing.
They foster spaces and places within their organization for people to give input, offer suggestions, and explain why they think what they think. Effective leaders, as well as successful innovators, give permission to let ideas have breathing space.
My advice is this: do everything in your power to make it easy for team members to share what they want to share (i.e. ideas, opinions, suggestions, etc.).
When ideas don’t have merit, articulate why you think so.
Everyone understands that all the ideas cannot possibly get used, nor should they.
We’ve missed the whole point if we think the point is to promise that people’s ideas will happen. The most fundamental point here is that when we allow people to contribute in collaborative ways, they feel valued for what they bring to the table. And when we create environments where people feel valued in our work space, much good will follow.
Read MoreThe Secret to Productivity
Few things are more anxiety-producing than when an employee doesn’t know what their boss expects of them from one day or hour to the next. Expectations change, which is not only okay but necessary for healthy, growing organizations. However, the real dilemma is that these changed expectations aren’t ever communicated.
Employers need to take the time to communicate the changed expectations, why the decisions are being made, as well as explain how and why the situation has led to the pertinent changes that directly affect the employee. Healthy organizations [and leaders] communicate these matters well.
While I believe every job ought to provide certain levels of autonomy and latitude, every job also needs a set of foundational expectations regarding how specific situations are to be handled. Too often people are criticized, demoted, or even fired for some aspect of their job that they were never told they would be held accountable for. Sometimes the expectations in a certain job change, but they aren’t ever told in clear terms what the new expectations are. I’ve been there, and it’s a stressful place to be.
Accountability is good in the workplace, as long as employees know what they are being held accountable for.
Another related issue here involves when expectations are actually given, but the employee never meets those expectations. To many employers’ detriment, consequences and accountability aren’t executed. As a result, employees continue in their “bad behavior,” knowing there aren’t any real consequences for their lack of performance, or for their failure to meet the clearly defined expectations.
If you want to be a great manager, team leader, and/or supervisor, embrace the necessity of clarifying expectations and communicating what they are in consistent ways, especially when the expectations change. Some great leaders often say, “Vision leaks over time so keep casting it in clear and compelling ways,” and how true that is. This is just as true: Expectations become blurry over time so keep clarifying, and after that, clarify once again.
When you communicate expectations effectively, productivity will follow.
Read MoreHow To Help People Care About the Right Things
To be human is to desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We live to find significance as individuals in terms of what we do, as well as finding it in who we are.
So when we consider what we do for our job, to gain a sense of purpose in what we do, we must clearly understand the mission at hand. Employees [even volunteers] need clarity on what they’re being asking to do and achieve (for the business, the cause, the community, the customer, or even simply in how to do the specific job itself).
In addition, if we are the supervisor [or mentor], we ought to help our protégés know how to make the mission of the organization that they work for or with part of their own personal mission as well. In the end, if someone is doing something else’s mission, their motivation won’t last, their sense of purpose dissolve, and their engagement levels will wane over time.
In essence, effective leaders understand the importance of helping their people care about the right thing(s). And caring begins with clearly knowing what to care about and why.
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