Coaching Leaders [2 of 5]
When a coach sees the incongruence of intention and action, it’s an opportunity to offer specific and significant feedback. As a coach, I always look for inconsistencies in what someone says they want to change and what inconsistencies exist (we call them deficits, weaknesses, limitations, etc.). But when those issues are identified, it isn’t just about giving critical feedback or advice, or transferring knowledge. Rather, it’s primarily about the coach coming alongside the coachee to help them become who they want to become. And there’s a HUGE difference in those two things. And to do this well, coaches must master the art of listening well (another blog coming soon about this, or read Chapter 3 in my book Relational Intelligence).
In light of all this, one of the biggest warning signs for a coach is not to come off as judgmental, or overly critical, or being perceived to think you have all the answers for the coachee–these traits can undermine one’s relationship with a coachee like nothing else. No one likes being on the other side of that.
Yes, entering a coaching relationship can expose someone’s shortcomings and deficits, or highlight incompetence, or even subject the coachee to the pain and difficult challenges of trying to change. But when a coach begins to see all of this, he or she must partner any critical feedback or improvement orientated advice with genuine affirmative feedback, which builds relational capital, as well as constructive feedback, which actually builds people up and empowers them rather than allowing someone to walk away just feeling criticized or judged. The best coaching always empowers and enables.
